T’s Diary (9)

A’s Diary

It is more than a month now that I have not spoken to ‘T’! And I am surviving!! She must have thought that It’s an ego issue for me. It hurts me a lot, after 3-4 years of close friendship that’s what she feels about me?! I thought it was a natural growth of a relationship from close friends to lovers and then life partners. But not the same for her. Does she even believe in the growth of a relationship? Everything changes over some time, why can’t we have changed feelings for each other? And all the time I was thinking about her, was how to make her feel loved, feel happy and here she is, my existence is not even part of her scheme of thoughts. I agree that her life’s goal may not be a marriage but when you are already in a close friendship with someone why not think about it? And we have shared so many beautiful moments together, and I still can’t believe that we are now miles apart and not on talking terms. I used to think that I have no expectations from her, I will win her with my pure love. Oh, God! Now I think what is pure love if it cannot open someone’s heart for you? If it does not touch someone’s heart then what is the meaning of that love? What I felt for ‘T,‘ was it not love? People say selfless love has a strength of its own, it can break rocks, it can penetrate stone-like hearts and allow light of love pass through it. What is the use of such pure, selfless love when it is considered to be just a one-sided feeling?! Why God puts love in peoples heart when it is not going to be reciprocated? When I proposed her, I thought it is a way of showing respect for a lady with whom you feel so close and want to share your whole life with her.
I feel now I won’t be able to love anyone anymore, won’t feel the same for anyone anymore. When you think that you have found your soul mate and that person doesn’t even believe in having you in her life, my intelligence tells me I am a fool, who couldn’t understand her over these 3 years. Even I involved our parents in this! I can’t imagine how painful it must have been for them too.


My stories © Copyright 2018, Nehal