After so many days I feel like writing my diary again. I went through my previous pages. I am no longer in that state of confusion, still not sure about the feeling of love!
During that weekend ‘A’ did propose to me in front of our parents, and obviously, they all seemed to be very happy about it and expecting a positive reply from me. To their disbelief and disappointment, I politely declined the proposal. I told all of them about my insecurities regarding ‘love,’ ‘commitment,’ ‘relationship’ all these words and did not want to make their life miserable due to my uncertainties. For the first time, I felt guilty about my honesty. Looking at their faces, I felt; It’s because of my unflinching attitude I spoiled their weekend. But what can I do?! I never like to lie just to make someone happy or make them feel good.
The following week, ‘A’ did not call me, started avoiding me in the office whenever we used to cross our path. I told ‘A’ we still can be good friends, he smiled with a sad face, did not speak a word and went away. It was becoming difficult for me to continue to work in that environment as we had so many common friends and everyone was curious to know what went wrong between us; apparently, there was nothing wrong between us, at least from my perspective but for ‘A’ it was becoming an Ego issue! He was taking the whole thing as his personal defeat. He planned so many things for my birthday celebration, for my happiness and here I was down with self-love, not ready to accept his proposal; he must have thought so!
In just a few days following this whole incident, I got an excellent job opportunity, and I left that office, that town and now settling down here in this new town. My mom was apparently not happy about forsaking the job and walking out of the city, but last week, when she visited my place, she thought I made no mistake.